ACTIVE SURVEILLANCE

PROTECTING SAN ANDREAS

Advanced intelligence. Unwavering vigilance. Absolute control—we mean protection.

24/7
Surveillance
100%
Coverage
Data Collected
SCROLL TO CONTINUE

About the FIB

Transparency through carefully curated information

Our Mission

The Federal Investigation Bureau exists to protect the citizens of San Andreas from threats both foreign and domestic, through the innovative use of surveillance technology, intelligence gathering, and operations that we definitely have congressional approval for.

Since our founding in 1908, we've evolved from a small investigative unit to a comprehensive intelligence and domestic security service. We employ cutting-edge technology, including phone tapping (authorized, mostly), email monitoring (for your protection), and advanced predictive algorithms (that definitely don't profile citizens based on social media activity).

Our agents work tirelessly around the clock to ensure your safety, which is why we need access to all your communications, location data, and browsing history. It's not surveillance if it's for national security, after all.

Core Values

Security First

Your safety is our priority. That's why we monitor everything. For your protection.

Total Transparency

We believe in openness, which is why 87% of our operations are classified.

Constitutional Respect

We uphold the Constitution. The parts that don't interfere with our work, anyway.

By The Numbers

UPDATED
38,000+
Agents
56
Field Offices
400M+
Records
[REDACTED]
Black Sites

Public Notice

This website collects cookies, tracking data, biometric information, and your soul. By continuing, you consent to surveillance.

Our Operations

The work we're allowed to tell you about

Cyber Intelligence

ACTIVE

Advanced digital surveillance and cyber operations to combat threats. We monitor all digital communications in real-time, analyze social media sentiment, and have backdoors in most popular applications. Don't worry, we only use it for good.

PRISM-SA XKEYSCORE CARNIVORE-2.0

Counter-Terrorism

ACTIVE

Preventing terrorist activities through predictive analysis and preemptive action. Our algorithms can identify potential threats based on your shopping habits, search history, and that one angry tweet from 2016.

PREDICTIVE BEHAVIORAL PROFILING

Organized Crime

ACTIVE

Infiltrating criminal organizations through undercover operations and informant networks. We may or may not have created some of these organizations ourselves for investigative purposes.

RICO UNDERCOVER INFORMANTS

[REDACTED]

CLASSIFIED

[DATA EXPUNGED] - This operation exists. That's all you need to know. Move along, citizen.

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Join the FIB

Be part of something bigger. Much bigger. Uncomfortably bigger.

The FIB offers exciting career opportunities for individuals willing to sacrifice their personal ethics—we mean, dedicate themselves to public service. We're looking for skilled professionals who don't ask too many questions.

Special Agent

$85K - $140K

Conduct investigations, surveillance operations, and "enhanced interrogations." Must be comfortable with morally ambiguous situations.

  • Bachelor's degree (preferably not in ethics)
  • Excellent marksmanship
  • Ability to keep secrets (from everyone, including family)
  • Flexible moral compass
Apply Now

Behavioral Analysis Unit

$90K - $150K

Profile individuals, predict behavior, and help with targeting operations. Psychology degree required; empathy not so much.

  • Master's in Psychology or related field
  • Experience with profiling techniques
  • Comfortable making assumptions about people
  • Can justify anything "for the greater good"
Apply Now

[POSITION TITLE REDACTED]

$$$$$$

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  • ████████████████
  • ████████████████████
  • No conscience
  • ████████████████
Apply If You Dare

* All positions require extensive background checks, polygraph tests, and selling your soul. Benefits include dental, health insurance, and immunity from most federal laws.

Earning Public Trust

We're totally trustworthy. Really. Would we lie?

94%
Public Approval*
*According to our survey of FIB employees
0
Documented Violations**
**That we admit to publicly
100%
Constitutional***
***After creative interpretation

Our Commitment to You

The FIB is committed to protecting your rights while simultaneously monitoring every aspect of your life. We understand the delicate balance between security and freedom, which is why we've chosen security every single time.

Rest assured, all of our surveillance programs have been reviewed by lawyers who assure us they're technically legal under certain interpretations of certain laws when read backwards in dim lighting.

Contact the FIB

We're always watching—we mean, listening. Report suspicious activity or just say hello. We already know where you are.

Phone

1-800-FIB-TIPS (Calls monitored and recorded)

Email

tips@fib.sa.gov (Encrypted, traced, and filed)

Headquarters

935 Pennsylvania Ave, Los Santos, SA

Submit a Tip

All submissions are anonymous*
*But we'll still know who you are